My deeper story starts here

A lot of people wonder why I have a negative outlook on life, why I am not a happy smiley person, as apparently there is nothing to be upset about.

How we end up as adults, is often moulded by our experiences as children, our growth, turns us into the people we are today, with a few tweaks and turns if we are able to. My trauma's as a child, some of which I have never recovered from, have resulted in my outlook on the world, as one that is dark and imposing.

When your a young child, nightmares come at night, though hushed away by the whispering reassuring sounds of a parent, for when you wake in the morning and the dark fades into the light, those nightmares are no longer a part of you.

For Some tiny beings, those nightmares were created by the shouting of a parent, continuing through night and day.

I, I was that tiny being ....

Imagine as a young child, fast asleep in bed, when suddenly you hear loud bangs next to your bed, screams of the world is going to end No this wasn't my dream's, this was reality and my mothers idea of how to get me up and out of bed, banging two saucepans together.

At first I used to shudder and cry, fearing what was about to be bestowed on the world, then as time went by, I became immune to the idea of the world ending. if it happened, so be it, some times I would pray it was actually happening, maybe then this terror as well as the others would finally be over.