Who Was I meant to Be

I know my branding has never been consistent, an issue I have, and one I think it's time I explained, Its all part of my mental health journey.

I have never been able to stick to a brand or name for my work, as I have never liked the sound of or look of my name.

How can it ever look right when I loathe myself,

I change my name online hoping to something that feels right, feels like, me, something that sits right, but how can I find that, when even looking in a mirror is something I hate.

I have never known who I am, always been forced to be someone for others, a daughter that wasn't wanted or used, a mother that wasn't good enough, (before you say as a mother I was good enough, this story will be shown in photographic form this week)

Never been allowed to be myself, controlled, manipulated, at every turn.

I struggle with an identity, I struggle with knowing who I should be.

Do I hide behind a fun non personal business name, or use one, yet one that makes me someone, when in reality I want to hide from the world.

Using the former, my business is a mess, my branding confused, hatred of one's own existence over powering a determination to make this work.

Yet last night, I decided one more chance, I need to make this work, this is my income, this is my talent, this is 9 yrs of hard work, failing because I don't know who I was meant to be.

This change I shall share later, Until then, I ask no sympathy or empathy,

I ask no empty platitudes, I just ask understanding.