Two Years ago

Two years ago, I befriended my demons,

Today they still stand by my side,

comforting and strong,

This day, two years ago,

One Step, All I needed, was one step,

One Step I stood up, ready to take,

One Step It would be over,

Over 8 hours, on a bridge edge,

Over 8 hours, I was ready to go,

Yet one small hiccup interrupted my plans,

My brothers voice coming through the night,

Pulling me back from the brink,

Was this my darkest hour?

I don't know,

Two years later I still sit here,

You may say positive things,

See over it now,

Onto a better future,

and all those empty platitudes,

Yet that day, in the Now, in this day,

Nothing has changed,

My demons still beside me,

My comfort my friend,

My only regret,

Not taking that final step

You may read that last sentence, Think why regret not taking that final step, You may think, she doesn't want to be here, You may also read it as in a way which it is not meant, It is an open sentence, Taking that final step into a blackness, A unknown, a step into uncertainty, Do I believe I should exist, No, Do I exist, Yes A regret for me is an emotion in that time, I regret the day's after, Day's I cannot undo, I regret what I put my family though, As selfish actions of mine caused so much pain, Pain and confusion they are not used too, Something I am, I regret that I have caused them to sit here today, Questioning, Wondering, I regret not taking that final step, Only for my selfish actions that have come forth since, That final step would have stopped it all, For that I am sorry