I just want it to stop

I just want it to stop, 2 yrs ago, I woke feeling odd, a feeling words can't explain, by the end of the day I was in Treliske, having drunk too much, whilst taking nearly 100 quetiapine crushed up tablets, before taking a walk to who knows where.

I survived that day, as I did not want to end my life, at that moment I just wanted it all to stop, I wanted to sleep, I wanted a break from the agony in my soul.

Driving home from Treliske, with my father in law and husband that evening, I was hallucinating, I was tired, I was calm, I was at peace, because for a short while, that agony had been removed, instead replaced by numb confusion.

The next day, I woke and realised reality was reality and it all came tumbling down on top of me, and I was back where I was 48 hours previous.

*I just want it to stop*